my heart overflows

last night i went to see Amma Karunamayi.

this divine incarnation stood directly in front of me and said "i love you." my heart opened.

once in front of the audience, she greeted the room by saying "my sweet babies. i love each of you thousands of times, millions of times, billions of times, gazillions of times" and giggles. such love. she reminded her audience to take full advantage of this rare human birth, that we are already on the spiritual path, and that the purpose of this life is nothing less than God Realization. she encouraged us to go all the way this time, not to get to 90% & be satisfied but to cultivate so much love for God in our hearts that this is is the life we go the entire way back to merging with One and knowing the Self. she cautioned us to care for Mother Earth, the save water, to help one another... and to treat each other with love and compassion as one peaceful happy family. to acknowledge the divinity that lies in each of us beyond color or gender or nationality and with the same intention, we could not fail at restoring world peace. she led her audience through laughing yoga, brain yoga (grab ear lobes with opposite hand, crossing at elbow, stand up, press legs together, and bend knees, squatting 27 times. you know you want to try it.), and mantra singing. i learned the saraswati mantra. click here to hear her. :)

OM AIM SRIM HRIM SARASWATI DEVYAI NAMAHA

other teachings i recall from atmaV this weekend...

your path must include 3 things...
constantly watching God within
service to others - dedicate this life to serving others, not to obtaining material pursuits.
tapas - discipline to your (meditation) practice

heart overflowing.
bowing with gratitude,
c.

baby cat, take II

in Detroit, i asked him how to surrender?

his response was to be like a baby cat.

sharon gannon and david life, founders of Jivamukti Yoga, expound on this in their book:

"There are 2 paths to the attainment of Yoga: the path of effort & the path of grace - maryada marga & pushti marga. Marga means path. Maryada describes the soul looking for a system to follow to gain enlightenment, and pushti describes the soul that simply surrenders everything to God.

The difference between maryada marga & pushti marga is illustrated by the old Indian tale of the baby monkey and the baby cat. When a baby monkey becomes separated from his mother, he will race around, swinging through trees looking for her. He is determined to find her. When he does finally find the mother, he grabs her body & holds on for dear life, and the two, united, go swinging through the trees. But when the kitten becomes separated from her mother she stays put. She does not run around looking for her mother. The kitten stays and cries out, "Meow Maaaaaa." The kitten calls until the mother hears her. The mother comes to the kitten, picks her up by the scruff of the neck, and the two go off happily to snuggle.

The monkey is on the maryada marga, the path of effort. The kitten trusts the mother and by chanting her name, continuously gets her to come to the rescue. The kitten is on pushti marga, the path of grace.

Patanjali's 8-limbed system is predominantly a maryada marga, an effortful path, but the last 2 limbs - dhynana (meditation) and samadhi (enlightenment) - cannot be attained through effort. They are the result of grace. Yet is it only through intense effort that we can prepare ourselves to receive such grace."

proufound gratitude to the mother cat that heard my cries and found me.
Jai Guru!
c.

(re)dedicated

reflections after 3 weeks on retreat, or remembrances of forgotten teachings, more like:

dedication. oh yeah. i seem to have forgotten about that. got kinda caught up in the mind & started drifting from my physical practice. recall that practice means every day, regardless of mood, weather, circumstance. every day until their is no longer discernible difference between days & until the body overtakes the mind's kvetching that body is sore, too weak, tired, etc. no more mind limiting body.

at same time, less strict with myself. being on retreat means understanding there is nothing to do except be there & taking the experience in stride. so returning home shouldnt mean constantly analyzing where i should be at, what i should be doing, and obsessing over this. being home should be the same experience... be here now, take the experience in stride, do what needs to be done & look for opportunity to improve or help. calmness. acceptance.

im still scared of greatness. *sigh* im scared of amazing relationships... divine ones, human ones... terrified. the minute the beauty starts, so does my self-sabotaging inner critic. must detach & let all of them happen... approaching the divine relationship with gratitude, humbleness, and a continued commitment to repeatedly show up & see what happens. also learning to approach human relationships w/ the same attitude i approach difficult yoga asanas... ive been here before, i havent hit the pose before, this could be the day i get it - or not - and so i will keep on. detached.

dedication to commit to my present actions & do best to make present actions positive. previous actions having gotten me where i am, dedicating to right action in hopes of optimal future placement and growth. but again, detached.

dedication to the buddhist mindset of taking action as though my action really matters & really changes the world & then laughing to think that my actions really matter at all. detachment.

dedication to practices that allow me to experience God... and the firm acknowledgment that this is why - the ONLY why - that i partake in them.

dedication that the only reason i am alive is to know God. everything else is a detail.

dedication to this path i find myself on. acknowledging that its more severe than might be fitting for most, but that it works for me, that i love & ultimately enjoy it, and that i feel it infinitely valuable and worthwhile for my time & efforts. an end to the analysis & a commitment forward. gratitude.

with dedication,
c.

"In true freedom and happiness we like whatever we do, but we do not always do whatever we like." - Swami Nirmalananda

Contrition vs. Guilt

"I don't think being human has any place for guilt. Contrition, yes. Guilt, no. Contrition means you tell God you are sorry and you're not going to do it again and you start off afresh. All the damage you've done to yourself, put right. Guilt means you go and on belaboring and having emotions and beating your breast and being ego-fixated. Guilt is a trap. People love guilt because they feel if they suffer enough guilt, they'll make up for what they've done. Whereas, in fact, they're just sitting in a puddle and splashing. Contrition, you move forward. It's over. You are willing to forgo the pleasures of guilt." - Sister Wendy Beckett, Roman Catholic nun

love your neighbors

so i moved back to cleveland - city proper. let me say that my cleveland neighborhood is beautiful, friendly, engaging, and walkable. old funky houses. character. beautiful gardens & hidden away urban beauty in oodles. yet i've asked guys to put their butterfly needles away in my alley, watched the prostitute arrive to turn tricks in the house across the street, and the drug boys making their deals on the corner. why do i live here? you know why i live here. in hopes of rippling out that bit of what i do where it might be needed.
i didn't know until after i moved in that the house next to me (note: not pictured above) was vacant. this one kept a bit of its grandeur even in its demise but houses get sad & scary when they're left untended. newspapers on the windows. eerie silence tempting the fates of the urban gods. the foreclosure crisis brought home, personally affecting me, as i prayed nightly that some wanderer wouldn't set bonfire to the backyard brush pile legacy left by its previous owner.
yesterday afternoon, i met my new neighbor, yelling hello over the fence!
tonite, as i walked outside to appreciate the dusk sky, i was caught off guard by the golden light shining out his kitchen windows as he toiled away, unpacking or making some yummy dinner concoction. i was filled with gratitude for him... for all my neighbors... for all the people who call these dying urban neighborhoods home. living, (hopefully) working, breathing, human beings seeking shelter and comfort like everyone else... but bound by the conviction that this is a fight worth fighting & making a personal commitment to doing so.
love your neighbors. say hello, learn their names, and in some manner, thank them for their faith in these cities, their willingness to do their part. we're in this one together.
appreciating the village,
c.

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it. My optimism, then, does not rest on the absence of evil, but on a glad belief in the preponderance of good and a willing effort always to cooperate with the good, that it may prevail. I try to increase the power God has given me to see the best in everything and every one, and make that Best a part of my life . . . No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars or sailed an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit." - Helen Keller

april 1st begins it anew

RENEGADE CROCUSES


There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.
—Louis L’Amour, American novelist