accidentally on purpose

everything is already ok. stephen cope


it's ok.
look at what we've got going for us...

fresh green waxy leaves
flowers that smell so sweet you can taste it
eating well & feeling nutrition seeping into your cells
watching firemen race into buildings for others
cloudless blue skies
bright energizing early morning light
deep breaths of fresh cool air
sunlight that seems just as happy to see you
chubby baby fingers reaching from old fashioned prams
music that swells the heart "i believe in the miracle"

tangent: someone sent me an email that mentioned 'there is no soundtrack to life' and i wondered if they were deaf... i often pause & reflect on the soundtrack of my life - which is most lively. 2 birds sitting on the roof peak facing each other and chattering away this morning, their human-like mannerisms and head tilts making me laugh out loud. thunder. traffic. street musicians. the sound of my breath. (feel this very breath move. hear it. right now. marvel.)

life has truly become practice. remaining calm and patient. letting things unfold. trusting. surrendering. *big exhale* life is so much easier when i don't try to control every last detail. and the world keeps turning. sometimes it is as easy as deciding to change my mind.

"this is it."

last night, someone said someone had 'done it on purpose...' and my mind spiraled off. what a good thing! shouldnt we aim to do most things 'on purpose'? dont i want to live my whole life on purpose - or in keeping with my purpose? otherwise, what's the point?

live purposefully.
c.

wednesday ruminations

courtesy of Rob Brezsny... i offer you the following...

"...I think it's worthwhile to consider the possibility that suffering is a gift God gives us in order to prod our evolution. On a personal level, your longing to escape your suffering is a primal force in making you smarter. On a collective level, nothing refines and ennobles us more than our passion to keep others from suffering. "

hmm... suffering as vehicle...? why else would we change...?

next... beautiful expression of Nature disconnect in our modern world...

"We want to be God in all the ways that are not the ways of God, in what we hope is indestructible or unmoving. God is the most fragile, a bare smear of pollen, that scatter of yellow dust from the tree that tumbled over in a storm of grief and planted itself again.

These are our tasks: Learn the secret language of light again. Also the letters of the dark. Learn the flight patterns of birds, the syllables of wolf howl and bird song, the moving pantomime of branch and leaf, valleys and peaks of whale calls, the long sentences of ants moving in unison, the combinations and recombinations of clouds, the codices of stars. Let us thus, reconstitute the world, sign by sign and melody by melody.

Let us sing the world back into the very Heart of the Holy Name of God."
-Deena Metzger, "Prayers for a Thousand Years"


c.

cleanse sunset

if this blog was a library book, i'd have crazy overdue fines by now!
but i've good reasons...
big life changes... regarding where i call home, career direction, etc. that i cant fully disclose yet as i am
eyes and hands turned skyward
waiting
listening
senses attuened
for that nudge.

so, perhaps long awaited and much overdue, here are my closing thoughts on the cleanse...
i developed new good habits and learned powerful lessons about what i put in my body, how i view food, and my priorities regarding nutrition and time/life balance. (yes, i now stay up later than i should cooking, preparing, ensuring i have goodness to eat the following day(s) - and apparently, blogging).
i successfully experimented w/ eating raw, vegan, juicing... learned a whole lot about my body, hormones, and how my eating habits thus far in life have crafted this body & these emotions.
i am now a food zealot. relax, i only pontificate if asked. i (try to) pack & carry healthy food everywhere i go. i can now sustain outrage and long-winded argue the tragedy that is readily available packaged & overly preserved food in the richest nation on earth. i experienced making a more determined transition to buying organic... i ate out less. i drank once. i paid less attention to the news. i lived selfishly and introspectively. i shunned loud situations and men. actually saved money, while buying the most pristine, beautiful, natural sustenance i could, with background news reporting prices of rice spiking hundreds of %s. again, i evaluated why me and gave profound thanks for my luxury and wealth as an employed american. i watched gas prices spike even higher and contemplated the mileage behind those organic californian strawberries i splurged on throughout the month. (cover your eyes here...) i found a homemade substitute for milk (almond mylk) and continue to watch the amount of mucus (ewwww...) that occurs the day after i eat the slightest bit of cheese (the only dairy im now consuming). i gave up ice cream. and bakery. and cookies. and brownies. ohmy. i did. ive moved closer to being jewish ;) in terms of cultivating the body Temple. i ruminated on the sanctity of food - the purest, easiest form of nourishment that we receive in this human existence. and i secretly wish to be a waitress so i can bless and deliver nourishment to the general public. one day my imagination might supercede my reality... ;)

thanks for joining me on the ride thus far. i think i will continue random postings. i need an outlet for those soul-quivering lessons, expression for fleeting moments of beauty and Greatness, and a gratitude space for all that i have been given, as well as a place to thank all those who motivate, encourage, and pick me up. we're in this together. interdependence.

dont hold back,
c.

p.s. feel good, heart-swelling, tear-inducing song of the day, coming soon to my yoga class near you: Better People by Xavier Rudd off his White Moth album

happy earth day (day 22)

perhaps the last of the dalai lama installments for awhile...

"We are also being drawn together by the grave problems we face: overpopulation, dwindling natural resources, and an environmental crisis that threatens our air, water, and trees, along with the vast number of beautiful life forms that are the very foundation of existence on this small planet we share. I believe that to meet the challenge of our times, human beings will have to develop a greater sense of universal responsibility. Each of us must learn to work not just for his or her own self, family or nation, but for the benefit of all mankind. Universal responsibility is the real key to human survival. It is the best foundation for world peace, the equitable use of natural resources and, through concern for future generations, the proper care of the environment...

... in general I feel optimistic about the future. The rapid changes in our attitude toward the earth are also a source of hope. As recently as a decade ago, we thoughtlessly devoured the resources of the world, as if there were no end to them. We failed to realize that unchecked consumerism was disastrous for both the environment and social welfare. Now, individuals and governments are seeking a new ecological and economic order.

I often joke that the moon and the stars look beautiful, but if any of us tried to live on them we would be miserable. This blue planet of ours is a delightful habitat. Its life is our life; its future our future. Indeed the earth acts like a mother to all. Like children, we are dependent. In the face of such global problems as the greenhouse effect and depletion of the ozone layer, individual organizations and single nations are helpless. Unless we all work together, no solution can be found. Our mother earth is teaching us a lesson in universal responsibility.

...because of the lessons we have begun to learn, the next century will be friendlier, more harmonious and less harmful. Compassion, the seeds of peace, will be able to flourish. I am very hopeful. At the same time I believe that every individual has a responsibility to help guide our global family in the right direction. Good wishes alone are not enough; we have to assume responsibility. Large human movements spring from individual human initiatives." - HHDL

i think i've referenced here before: a friend of mine says that some people have 'the fire' [to work for betterment, etc.] and some people don't. i am conscious that i have the fire, and nowadays, i attempt to cultivate it. but sometimes, i slip. and when i do, it is so meaningful to me to know that there are others like me, in my city and in others across the nation and the world, striving for goodness. i drove to work today truly feeling a part of something greater. for you who so recently provided me that synergistic boost, as you have before, thank you again. may you know how much it means. i look forward to doing likewise for you and for others, when needed.

cleanse commercial of the day: someone couldn't figure out why i looked so different today and asked why i was glowing. the cleanse has totally revamped my diet. simply put: good, whole, healthy food. i saved them the speech, but knew the cause. (very) personally, i believe that my diet was not in harmony with the practices and the purifications i undertake. ive become more and more sensitive to what i put in my body & it finally began manifesting in unavoidable external ways so it was time for a change. one more step on my integrative journey, i guess. and kate is right, just when it becomes effortless - habit-forming in my case - it nears its end. here's to the 8 days i have remaining!

in unity and peace,
c.

the meaning of life (days 19 & 20)

hyacinths, forsythia, daffodils, oh my! the world is in bloom. i came home to find my house surrounded by all kinds of spring flowers and blooming trees! wow. that said, this recap is hard for me to write. im very introspective and deep in it right now as a result of all i learned this weekend. best shot while it's fresh:

rewind: thursday night - i went to yoga class the night before i left for ann arbor and the teacher was questioning when in life we cease being childlike... when we start comparing our performance, begin caring how how we look, what other people think... etc. she encouraged us to re-create that child-like curiosity and glee during our practice. i was reminded of her lesson several times this weekend, b/c i can honestly report - His Holiness the Dalai Lama possesses that child-like glee. he is soooo unbelievably happy. he radiates the same joy and happiness that make adults smile at children. everyone just grins at him. it's absolutely contagious. he's 73 and he hasn't lost his child-like radiance yet!

the above pic is the visor he donned when he got into the meat of the teachings b/c the stage lights were so bright. he is so cute. i dont normally use the word 'cute' - especially to describe senior Teachers... but this man is so undeniably cute.

ok, so to the meat. per the usual, the beauty is his, the mistakes are mine.

Engaging Wisdom & Compassion

he greeted the audience saturday and sunday in english. there are numerous monks who sit around him on stage and he reads and teaches to them in tibetan - with about 8,000 eavesdropping americans - pausing to let the english translator pick up. and boy, was the translator amazing! he would translate 10 minutes of intense teaching at a time! it made your head spin! initially, i started to mentally freak out... this is so intense! these teachings are serious! im not ready for this! ahhhh! im never gonna get anything out of this! so i gave up. and it all flooded in.

Dalai Lama Lesson #1: Don't Try So Hard.

we covered 2 buddhist texts: Commentary on Awakening Mind and In Praise of Dependant Origination. it's intense fascinating theory and im not going to go into detail here on the highlights reel...

i was reassured that the first teaching makes direct reference to a yogi's efforts at mastering one's own mind. hooray! familiar territory! Lesson # 2: its all the same...

but the highlight of the weekend, that i really want to share with you, was during his response to a question during this morning's Q&A session, which he answered in english...

(i point this out b/c the Dalai laughs and jokes in tibetan while giving discourse on the ancient, rather obscure teachings. the translator, much to my chagrin, did not interject the same humor and laughter in his translation, so you were left wondering what was so funny... once again how i wished i was multi-lingual!)

Lesson #3: Verbal communication entails much more than words

so i find it no coincidence that my most intense learning experiences arose when he taught in english. saturday, the Dalai Lama cautioned the audience against jumping on the buddhist train (ive heard him say this many times before.) he feels its best for us to remain in the religion that is closest to our culture. you could feel the audience's anguish. so this morning, one of the anonymous questions pertained to a person's dissatisfaction w/ their birth faith and their desire to follow the buddhist tradition but they were reticent based on his caution and asked for further clarification. this is his response (paraphrased)...

regardless of religion, our day to day life should be happy. inner peace. happiness. satisfaction. that's the real purpose of our life. whether there's a God or not, we're here. this is fact. and as human beings, we want to be happy, this is fact. external stimuli do not produce inner peace. cultivate inner peace. an altruistic mind is the source of all goodness. we want to live a long and healthy life. and we are social animals and will live among others. LIVE FRIENDLY. friendliness and affection breed trust. when you have trust with others, you have people with whom to share your troubles and get help. w/o these things, you will remain lonely inside. money, power, physical strength wont bring friendliness, which brings true happiness. everyone wants to be happy. be "wise selfish" not "foolish selfish." be truly affectionate and friendly to others. care about them. this is "wise selfish." foolish selfish is caring only about yourself. cultivate an altruistic heart. by our human birth, we all have the same potential. its up to us.

so yes, i cried. quite a bit. but i still managed to pay attention. ;)

i am humbled,
c.

p.s. began Walden. can't put it down.

p.p.s. why are birds SO loud before they go to bed?

one more p.s cleanse on the road did pretty well. exhaustion fading, energy returning. found a whole foods in ann arbor and made all kinds of yummy raw concoctions. i admit - i like raw. a lot. i'm spending the remainder of the cleanse month learning how to integrate all these new substitutions and yummy recipes ive learned into my daily life. its all a process. these next 2 weeks are pure transition.

cleanse goes on the road (day 18)

i'm packed! my mind that is... packed full of things that need to blow out the top of the car. i leave today for a weekend spent receiving teachings from the Dalai Lama. i get choked up about the spiritual opportunities ive been granted. early on, i questioned Why Me? my doubt has matured into knock down, drag out AWE. it's been my experience that when initially in the presence of a spiritual master, i start to cry. such love and acceptance radiates from these beings that it gets right through all the armor. i keep pinching myself: i am going to receive teachings from the Dalai Lama himself! the being that millions of people on this planet revere as the reincarnation of Buddha! i don't know why me. but i promise to do my best to stop bawling and learn as much as i can on Wisdom & Compassion for everyone's benefit.

Dedication of Merit
May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.
May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness.
May all beings never be parted from freedom's true joy.
May all beings dwell in equanimity, free from attachment and aversion.

i received an email yesterday that said this:

I am aware that a group of Chinese Students have applied for permission to stage a demonstration during this weekend's teaching. We support all non-violent expression of free speech and expect anyone attending the teaching to respect that right of expression without confrontation. We do not anticipate these demonstrations to interfere with any of our programs.
-Galek Rinpoche, founder of Jewelheart

and this:

The hosting of the Olympic games this year is a matter of great pride to the 1.2 billion Chinese people. I have from the very beginning supported the holding of these Games in Beijing. My position on this remains unchanged. I feel the Tibetans should not cause any hindrance to the Games. It is the legitimate right of every Tibetan to struggle for their freedoms and rights. On the other hand, it will be futile and not helpful to anyone if we do something that will create hatred in the minds of the Chinese people. On the contrary, we need to foster trust and respect in our hearts in order to create a harmonious society, as this cannot be built on the basis of force and intimidation. - His Holiness Dalai Lama

wow. i feel firmly on the side of Truth... which further reminds me of this:

"When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible but in the end, they always fall - think of it, ALWAYS." -Gandhi

Patty Griffin, one of my favorite singers, has a line in her song Big Love that i'm reminded of on days like toay: "Today my heart is big and sore. It's tryin' to push right through my skin."

In all that is Good and True,
c.

power vs. force (days 15 & 16)

on why i prefer to call it cleanse, not detox...

"Gandhi won in his struggle because his position was one of far greater power. The British Empire represented force, and whenever force meets power, force is eventually defeated...
The difference between treating and healing is that in the former, the context remains the same, whereas in the latter, the clinical response is elicted by a change of context so as to bring about an absolute removal of the cause of the condition rather than mere recovery from its symptoms." - David Hawkins

thus why i prefer to think about cleansing the junk out permanently and learning to replace it w/ better, as opposed to detoxifying my body, which to me has a temporary connotation. seriously, ive been sensitive to which of the 2 words to use since this all began. i read the above and it clicked.

im finding a 3-day weekday juice fast to be most challenging as im having a ridiculously stressful work week and the juice isnt providing enough "juice" for my taxed body while im at work... so both day 1 and day 2 ive taken (3) 16-oz juice concoctions to work (which have been very good!) and eaten dinner when i got home. but im so strong and determined in the morning! perhaps if i was a realist instead of an idealist, i would eat a sensible breakfast and juice the remainder of the day, instead of taxing my stomach before sleep. is my professional situation more demanding than other peoples' who have successfully done this cleanse per the directions, or am i just worse at coping. regardless of the answer, its where im at. :(

once again, how i wish i could find 30 days to focus on just this cleanse, reading, and my physical practice!!! noticing the sunshine only when racing from the car into a building for a meeting is not sufficient.

overtaxed ;),
c.