cleanse on the town (days 5 & 6)

nothing like a beautiful spring day and an announcement that an environmental grant i wrote will bring another $200k into cleveland to brighten one's day :)

the award inspires me to give equal nod to my mini-successes, since ive done enough self flagellation for the vegan meals i have not prepared myself: i made a great organic vegetable soup w/ wheat noodles (at 11pm last night, but hey!) and ate it in the park at lunch. tomorrow starts raw. until then, im carb loading like a marathon runner. brown rice and homemade curry w/ veggies for dinner tonite... which brings me to...

THE RETURN OF SUGAR - a mini saga

the setting: 2 different thai restaurants over the weekend w/ friends
the menus: mmmm
the truth: sugar, sugar, everywhere
the ending:
dear thai food,
i love you. your creamy mixture of subtle spiciness, coconut milk, and lime is too good to pass up. but being out in public with you this weekend really left me in a bind. i felt awful after going out with you and craved more of what you gave me all night long, making it very difficult to function. i cant give you up but its just too risky for us to continue meeting in public.
see you at my place,
c.

ordering the smallest sugar containing thai entrees both saturday and sunday night led me to intense late night sugar cravings. the cravings got Poor Me* and Deprivation screaming. i managed to shut them up w/ late night salty, vegan, not-so-healthy options but it was a close call. i almost lost when the Bargainer walked in and tried to convince me that a little bit wouldn't hurt. so begins the week i eat and eat and eat. oh to be a boy! im ready for raw. bring it on.

(*little known tidbit: buried in Jung's theories lie his not-often-discussed belief that we are all schizo.)

get cozy w/ your computer. we could be here a while.
weekend thoughts:

i was kept away from my house on saturday for realtor visits (it's for sale. going to sell any minute now...!) so i went to the park. pulled off at a lake sign ive noticed numerous times and set off through the woods to find it. there is something so fun about springtime mud, oozing and warm. i wanted to put my bare feet in it and squish my toes around. im still sad that i didnt. i was surrounded by the loudest birdsong ive ever heard. it was insane. i wonder if it could have been frogs.

[we interrupt this story for today's gold star request: i've already recycled this month's Emerald Necklace so if anyone else has it hanging around, (it's not available online) i want to see if the cacophony i experienced is explained in the section on what to look & listen for this month. yay! carol came thru! it was definitely a LOT of spring peepers. it sounds crazy! through the powers of the internet, you too can experience their collective racket! thanks!]

around the backside of the lake, i found a comfy park bench in the sun and snoozed, meditated, found myself yearning for the copy of Walden on my bookshelf that i never finished... but then i asked myself why i would sit in the midst of my own nature experience and forgo it to read someone else's??? i dont even think i need to read the whole thing. i get it. on my way out of the woods, i was literally surrounded by

















chickadees! these guys are cute. they flew circles around me. their song isn't so pretty - it's a bit awkward; wiki has a link to hear it. but being closely surrounded on all sides by their song was stereophonic-ly cool. go go, gadget senses!

my sprouting education was so enthralling (im kidding. really.) sunday afternoon that i never got to the healthy grocery store, so i had to make a late night giant eagle banana run for my breakfast smoothie. why are there so many colors on the packaging!!! they make it look way more fun than sprouting!!! it's like a circus! i dont want a circus in my bowl. i just want nourishment from healthy ingredients. i must have read 20 loaves of bread and they all had sugar. granola? sugar. crackers? sugar. ugh! is this why america is so giant and has so many health problems? i let myself get so angry and i used that fuel to abscond safely with a bunch of organic bananas i found stashed on a bottom shelf, 3" off the floor in the produce section. Outrage battled Poor Me, Deprivation, and Idealistic Sadness but emerged the clear winner.

other random cleanse notations:
- ive noticed during the past few years (since becoming a vegetarian and starting to mainline sugar?) that i carry tension in my upper back, neck, and shoulders, which are always tense and achy. i feel that draining away. thank god. other tightness and stiffness is also lessening.
- last week, my mood swings (before the Great Thai Sugar Experience) were noticeably more even keel than normal. much less dramatic or negative reactions to things.

last night, clyde talked about how our strong reactions occur as a result of one of our 5 Basic Needs (Love/Belonging, Fun, Freedom, Security, Power) not being met, and that by journaling we can begin to see which are most important to us, how we react when they aren't fulfilled, and learn healthy ways to take care of them. all 5 easily cleared the gate and are currently neck and neck rounding the first turn. stay tuned.

knawing a fork as i type this,
c.

zen & the art of sprouting

i'm trying to digest (oops - ha!) sprouting, b/c i start raw on tuesday and straight veggies aren't enough to hold my attention for 7 days. i have an hour before i have to leave for the healthy grocery store that is 40 minutes away (what kind of urban environment is this?) and i have no idea how - or truthfully why - one sprouts. i have never sprouted anything in my life, except for a failed alfalfa seed attempt when i was 20-ish... at the same time i had learned of and was growing sea monkeys with my boyfriend. (i wish i could make this stuff up.) we got in a fight. i poured the monkeys down the drain and threw the rotten sprouts in the trash. his wife is pregnant now, so likely he made the right choice, eh? now we all know why i dont have a pet... but want children? go figure.

*ahem* back on track...
i work hard to overcome genetic pack rat tendancies but it doesnt always work. meaning, i still have the glass sprouting jar w/ its screw-on mesh cover. sweet. that's all the motivation i need.

i tried to talk to other people doing the cleanse about how one goes about sprouting but the verbal assault of amount of time to soak, # of times to rinse, and acceptable timeframe for eating went in one ear and out the other, as all these variables vary based on what you're soaking. (i only play an engineer on t.v...) and their It's Easy! It's Simple! encouragements did little to sway me.

so i do what any neophyte does, and upon googling sprouting, i immediately notice lots of posts with phrases like "i heard," or "someone said." is sprouting a secret underground society w/o posted instructions? (cool.)

i hereby present to you, my sprouting manual:

Sprouting for Cynics

the following points are lifted from various, unreferenced-due-to-lack-of-time, online sprouting pages:

- Nuts and seeds naturally contain enzyme inhibitors. And by soaking them, you not only release the toxic enzyme inhibitors, but also increase the life and vitality contained within them! The purpose of these enzyme inhibitors is to protect the nut and/or seed until it has what it needs for growing (ex. sunlight, water, soil, etc.). Since the soak water will contain the enzyme inhibitors, and is very acidic to the body, please be sure to rinse your nuts and seeds well after soaking.

so removing the enzyme inhibitors through sprouting makes the soaked substance easier for your body to digest. the theory being:

-"they'll digest themselves and nourish your cells without requiring anything from your body!"

what's with all these exclamation points! and why did God create food that contains digestion prohibiting chemicals? hmmm. filed for after-death.

what do i do with these slimy soaked nuts since i dont own a dehydrator?

If you are unable to dry your nuts or seeds, only soak an amount that you can be sure to use within two or three days. For convenience, I like to soak nuts and seeds in mason jars, rinse them after 12 hours, and then if I don't have a chance to dry them, I store them in my refrigerator without a lid so that air can get to it. But it is vitally important to rinse them at least once (preferably twice) a day with fresh water, draining the water each time. Be sure to use these nuts within a few days, because as with any live food, mold tends to set in within days if you're not careful.

mmmm!!! mold. i bet that's raw.

this is starting to seem like a lot of food maintenance, which i am still learning...

- "If i had just one piece of healthy advice to give to a person, it would be to eat a lot of sprouts. People who do are so much healthier. There's only one way to prove this for yourself, and that is to try it for yourself."

random non-medical zealots scare me but never fear, your guinea is here!

i have no idea where people procure some of these substances they soak(!). so i'm going to stop trying to live up to my so nicknamed Overachiever tendencies and start small. i'm going to attempt to sprout chickpeas & lentils. i'm also going to soak raw nuts and compare eating soaked versus unsoaked raw nuts.

this is becoming a science fair project. (it would have been much cooler than the Singing Wineglasses that i did in 7th grade...) my hypothesis is that i won't notice much difference in how soaked vs. unsoaked make me feel b/c i'm not the best test case. i eat raw and roasted nuts constantly, so im already acclimated to the digestive work needed to process and they dont bother me anymore.

garbanzo beans (chickpeas) soak 12 to 18 hours, sprout 1.5 days
lentils soak 8 to 14 hours, sprout 1 day

ok, i need more hand-holding than that, so im posting the step-by-step below.

walnuts soak 12 hours
pecans soak 8 hours
almonds soak 12 hours
cashews (rumored to get soggy if longer than) 4 to 5 hours

wish me luck. keep you posted on the outcome of my science fair project: To Sprout or Not to Sprout(!!!!)

i heart the internet.
c.

p.s. gold star question of the day: my mac laptop doesn't have Home and End keys and it's killing me. if anyone knows the Home and End key sequence equivalents on a Mac keyboard, you get the gold star for today!

Garbanzo Beans

Sprouting Instructions
Yields approximately 1 Cup (1/2 lb.) of Sprouts

Put 1/2 Cup of seed* into a bowl or your Sprouter.
Add 2-3 times as much cool (60-70°) water.
Mix seeds up to assure even water contact for all.
Allow seeds to Soak for 8-12 hours.

Empty the seeds into your sprouter if necessary.
Drain off the soak water.

Rinse thoroughly with cool (60-70°) water
and Drain thoroughly.

Set anywhere out of direct sunlight and at room temperature (70° is optimal) between Rinses.

Rinse and Drain again in 8-12 hours.
And, once more...
Rinse and Drain again in 8-12 hours.
And, perhaps once more...
Rinse and Drain in 8-12 hours.

Lentil

Sprouting Instructions
Yields approximately 1 Cup (1/2 lb.) of Sprouts

Put 1/2 Cup of seed* into a bowl or your Sprouter.
Add 2-3 times as much cool (60-70°) water.
Mix seeds up to assure even water contact for all.
Allow seeds to Soak for 8-12 hours.

Empty the seeds into your sprouter if necessary.
Drain off the soak water.

Rinse thoroughly with cool (60-70°) water.

Note: Orange Lentils produce starchy water. They won't sprout too well unless you get rid of it - so Rinse and Rinse and Rinse until the water runs clear. It can take a little while - but don't skimp.

Every Rinse is the same with Orange Lentlis: Rinse and Rinse and Rinse until the water runs clear.

Drain thoroughly.

Set anywhere out of direct sunlight and at room temperature (70° is optimal) between Rinses.

Rinse and Drain again in 8-12 hours.
And, once more...
Rinse and Drain again in 8-12 hours.
And, perhaps once more...
Rinse and Drain in 8-12 hours.

spirit is holding you - day 3 pm

(because we all secretly wish we played the nose flute...)

wow! the body really ramps up. it's fascinating to my analytical mind to watch my body accomplish yoga poses effortlessly during this cleanse that i have tried for *years* to do. so my body has understood/known how to do them all along and i had too much else for the body to contend with? hmmm...

drove home top down and it started raining. alive! smelling the rain made me realize how intensely my sense of smell has returned. it smelled soooo amazing. it made my mouth start to water. (wha?) i was breathing soooo deeply to get as much smell as i could. made me think... if we dull our bodies with poor diet, including dulling our senses like smell... it makes sense that we'd breathe more shallowly, since we're unaware of the good & stimulating smells, right... and less oxygen further dulls the body processes... cyclical? just thoughts.

maybe i'll use my new nasal powers to take up the nose flute! ;)

exhausted bliss,
c.

virtues & vices - day 3

if you see me today, cross the street.

i want to cop out and blame the anger on my liver (anger said to happen during liver detoxification) but that's lame.

i also feel very egotistical & narcissistic blogging about my cleanse experience.

ive been contemplating one of allen ginsberg's stories (i know i've told at least one you this story... my apologies for the repeat)

to paraphrase:
allen ginsberg was a devout buddhist; Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche was his teacher. as he was preparing for a meditation retreat, his teacher observed him readying his pencils and paper and inquired. allen commented that he was excited to clear his mind while meditating and record the beautiful thoughts that emerged in the silence.
his teacher instructed him not take any pencils or papers but to 'just sit,' saying that the thoughts allen had in meditation were no better or worse than thoughts he had any other time, but it was his ego trying to capture, mold, analyze the experience. if he was focusing on & entertaining his thoughts, he was missing the whole point.

so maybe i should just allow the cleanse experience to happen instead of recording it? my anger today is no different than my anger any other day.

i was also interested to learn that some buddhist monks are not allowed to take notes when they listen to their teachers, believing that they then get all caught up in the note-taking (handwriting, spelling, grammar, doodling, etc.) and miss the point. instead the theory is that they will absorb exactly what they need on that given day, and maybe get something entirely different from the same lecture on a different day. neat.

Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche also instructed allen to "take a friendly attitude toward your thoughts" which is what im attempting to do here... so i will attempt to mindfully continue and hope that it helps encourage someone to do something new and different towards challenging themselves and risking change!

to task:
saw faith at class last night. she was sparkly. the rest of the group is a week ahead of me and started on raw foods yesterday. i learned that raw extends well beyond vegetables, and include soaking dry lentils & beans. i always make mush out of cooking lentils anyways, so im excited to try soaking them... 2 cleanse thoughts: 1. i never would have tried *any* of these ways of eating w/o the commitment to the overall. i've always wondered what it would be like to eat vegan or raw... if i would feel different energetically and be able to sustain the diet, so it's a fun opportunity. 2. you're not in it alone. the group energy is very cool & sustains one through the lazy moments of wanting to grab whatever is on hand. much exchange of ideas, foods, motivations, experiences, etc.

overall, on day 3, i feel normal. hmmm... i sense the supplements are what is really nourishing my body right now, preventing me from experiencing harsh bad-diet-withdrawal side effects. having that need and desire for instant gratification, i need to recall that this too is a process. as mom says, patience child.

now,
c.

sunshine on my mind

just so you know, sugar is in EVERYTHING.

i met Fabulous at sushi86 for lunch. because Rachel - the sushi chef's wife - is so fantastic, she apprised me that sushi rice is soaked in sweet rice vinegar or some other pretty name for sugared vinegar. she wonderfully made my veggie sushi with regular rice. sugar in the seaweed salad - check! yep, EVERYTHING.

so i successfully accomplished sushi w/o meat, sugar, or tofu. rock on. btw, in case you live under a rock, sushi86 on public square has the best sushi in town and is run by one of the coolest families on earth. support them! if you want something special, call ahead and she will hook your ass up. sorry, can't stop swearing. mom says ladies don't swear. can't decide if i should still be entertaining this lady charade or cleaning up my mouth... mom, i'm kidding!

it's 4pm and i feel good today. ditching the capsules and shooting the Lawn Water seem to work for me. can't wait to practice tonite!

turn your face up to this glorious sunshine, give thanks that you can, and soak it up!
c.

p.s. Act Now! Take advantage of this AMAZING, absolutely FREE, limited time* offer! You can cook a vegan meal this week or prepare a raw feast for me next week and get my enjoyable company Absolutely Free! Call now! Busy yoginis are standing by! *Offer expires 4/30/08

april fool's - day 1 reflections

interestingly, and quite fittingly, april 1 has always been a very spiritually auspicious day for me. fitting, no? ;) i see it as one more manifestation of Divine play (called leela - though my spelling may be off.) i received my meditation initiation on april 1st. this picture was taken at the ashram in october.

whenever i drink the psyllium to cleanse my colon, i ponder (you know you ponder while drinking colon cleansing substances too!) a few years back when i had some internal medical probs and asked the doctor if i should change my diet. i recall him saying that it 'didn't matter much' and i was really unsettled by that. doesnt take the chemistry-lover in me to know that fuel drives the reaction, right? it all starts with what we put in our bodies. interestingly enough, i recently learned that diets rich in sugar can contribute to colon problems later in life. ever since i started to seriously practice a few years ago, and the diet cleaned up as an offshoot to my dedication, all those problems have vanished. i hear pee wee herman singing 'connect the dots, lalalalala..."

thank god for my friends, b/c i was the most obnoxious prima donna yesterday on day 1 and they were amazing. the Trinity convened & i had my vegan dinner cooked for me. when that happened, something clicked and i found ease again. thanks, s. and thanks for keeping me positive, too. i make faces at you but i deeply and profoundly appreciate it!

i went to tiiu's class last night. great sangha (community). lots of friends in class which always make the energy feel so much more cozy to me. felt borderline obnoxious b/c i couldnt stop laughing and i felt like a big distraction. i don't know what it is about her - she just makes me laugh! the good healthy loud and deep kind of laugh that leaves you feeling cleansed. such an enjoyable class. yoga w/ the body revved up is outstanding!

day 1 observances
physical: i felt pretty amazing all day but got very nauseous late afternoon. i contribute it to the green kamut, which im now doing as morning and evening shots instead of in my water all day long. i like to drink pure water! and the gelatin capsules. ick. my veggie tummy no like-y. so im now emptying the contents prior to ingesting.
psychological: this had best stop being a verbal cleanse soonly. i can hold nothing back. it all just comes shooting out. the love, the bitter, all of it. and i spontaneously laughed all day long. obviously, i have too much pent up joy. ;) reminds me of some 6th grade aphorisms i read yesterday, one of which was: "it's all so funny. how can you not be laughing?" i concur!

big fat love,
c.

Day 1: "it ain't easy bein' green" - Kermit

my stomach is revolting, i don't mean ugly, i mean unhappy.

it's this wheatgrass additive i have to use to make Fresh Cut Lawn water. i really like to drink water and i really like fresh cut grass. but not together. i'll take my water sans grass clippings, thank you very much (said like my sister Mary). thank god for peppermint tea to calm the stomach uprising. (it's green. it fits the theme.)

i received the following prayer when i did my first ever 3-day (ha! light weight! ego, shhh!) brown rice mono-fast:

Affirmation to My Body

I recognize you are the temple in which my spirit and my creative energy dwell.
You are my responsibility to care for. I have the ability to make you ill or healthy.
I must offer you the most alive, healthiest food (collected from my lawn mower... *ahem* sorry) so that you may continue to sustain my creative energy, my spirit and my soul.
I have created you from my need to have my spirit manifest on earth, so that I may have this time to learn and grow.
I offer this food to you with love and sincere desire for you to remain free from disease and disharmony.
I accept you as my own creation.
I need you.
I love you.

this cleanse is accompanied by a lot of supplements. generally, i subscribe to the same theory as my new hard core doctor - that nutrients are best obtained from fresh food, not supplements and bottles - but one thing i will pay attention to on this fast is how much food i eat, assuming im getting a wealth of nutrients from all the supplement sources. if the body is getting maximum fuel, volume has to decrease. thank god b/c while i loooooove eating, there are many times where my psychotic yogini self just wants to practice but im forced to feed the body, which kills my practice inclination. seems logical that if i eat smarter, i can eat less. (more on the medical theme later, i promise.)

speaking of psychotic yogini, i recall telling a yogi friend about a boyfriend who snottily remarked to me that "With you, it's all about yoga." together we shrugged and simultaneously said "what else is there?" beware. from this entry forward, you are entering the yoga realm. no more apologies. just spirit.

"Prayer is not an act of worship merely, the bending of
the knee on set occasions, and offering petitions in
need. It is an attitude of soul, opening the life on
the Godward side, and keeping free communication
with the world of spirit." -- Hugh Black

buddhist humor: so if first thought is best thought, is my last thought my worst thought? ;)

god, bless my efforts.
om amen.
c.