tonight tonight

i learned a lot this week... a lot about my body, about healing it and nurturing it. a lot about patience as i work with an injury that has dramatically altered my yoga practice as i know it... temporarily, i hope. i marvel as it is already strengthening other parts of me, physical and beyond. perhaps sometimes the limitation does become the strength. my perceived physical & emotional injuries are surely blessings because the doorways opening up are taking me even deeper. i learned a lot about the ways i hold myself back, the excuses i make, and the stories i tell myself. i rid myself of the lies ive been feeding myself for quite some time and finally, truly tuned into my heart. rediscovering what it's like to live from this place of joy, intensity, beauty, and synchronicity that i had lost has truly brought me back home to myself. i was reminded of the important lesson that our experience is defined by what we choose to see. the past is now, the pain is now, the beauty is now, the great big love is now, it's all right here, right now. being present.

mom was right (again). there is nothing like a man that can dance. tonight i danced the night away with the best partner ive had since my father. he danced me all across the floor, he twirled me, he spun me, he moved me, he made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, he bowed to my curtsy after every song... and as my hair spun out behind me during the last song of the night, i tuned in to hear frank singing... "if i can, make it there, i'll make it, anywhere.... it's up to you New York, New Yoooooork..." tears leaking, heart open, i realized that im done analyzing it. this scorecard i've been carrying around doesn't matter. i don't care if i made it there. because i'm here. and i wouldn't be where i am, right here, right now, without all of the very necessary, very painful experiences of this previous year. between songs, my dance partner with Down's Syndrome shared with me his dream to be on Dancing with the Stars. i learned so much from his lead. god in oh so many forms.

i knew i would arrive at this place of understanding eventually, but it took a while for me to get here on my own & i doubted frequently along the way. all of it had to happen exactly as it happened. much gratitude for all of it. just in time for a gleaming bright 2010... out with the old...

hey god, i'm ready.
c.