Tuesday, August 26, 2008

i'm gettin' old

there's humor in that title somewhere...

tonight, at dusk, i sauntered, with a cup of tea, and i reflected... how once again, i got myself into a situation where my heart opened big & wide and i got hurt. so i started to berate myself... but i interrupted that with forgiveness. wow. that's a new transition.

"i only meditate when breathing."

i was able to assess that i tried really hard to tread lightly... and that i did my best to research & evaluate beforehand... yet it got complicated, as things sometimes do... and my heart got a bit squished. dontcha hate that?

time for a change... instead of hardening, battening down, swearing not to let it happen ever again... i told myself that it was ok. there it was: i forgave myself. there was no way i could have or would have played it differently if given another chance.

"can you love some more?"

my new patterns are brought to you in part by the amazing girlfriends im so lucky to possess... like those wind up toys that totter off, i can always count on them to pick me up and set me back away from the table's edge, back on my course. tonite, i was given a good talking to and reminded of my dreams. yes, someone who knows me well enough that she sat there and reminded me what is it that i want, that i hope and hold out for. and she was right.

"be still and let the universe."

realizations of new patterns is eye-opening, spacious, simple. the reminder that i'm in control and choose how i opt to act moment to moment.

"this is your life."

maybe this is what those nice buddhists mean about becoming friends with yourself? if you'll excuse me, i'm waiting... ;)
c.

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