Tensions of Awakening

To live a spiritual life we must first find the courage to enter into the desert of our loneliness and to change it by gentle and persistent efforts into a garden of solitude. This requires not only courage, but also a strong faith. -Henri Nouwen

"More than once I have encountered what I thought was failure, only to realize later that had I been given what I asked for, it would have buried my soul - work that wasn't really mine, upholding relationships that were never really what I thought they were, loyalties to maps bequeathed to me by lonely dreamers who wanted me to find what they could never. For a loving person, I must confess I have had a lot of relationships fail. Of course, over a lifetime, relationships will fail or run their course. But still, as I walk on yet another morning shore, watching the gulls fight and ride the wind, I can't help but wonder, was it me?
I think in most cases, I was standing by my core, finding myself inevitably in a place where loving on the terms required began to violate and damage that core. I suppose those beautiful souls I was drawn to love thought they were standing by their core. What if both are true? Is this another paradox about heartache to bare and bear? Is this all part of the inevitable journey toward the brutally exquisite fact of being here?"
- excerpted from Facing the Lion, Being the Lion - Finding Inner Courage Where It Lives by Mark Nepo