rooted in place

haven't done much group practice lately. mostly solitary practice, but never enough at once to feel i moved the body through the full range...

went to an ashtanga class tonite. i have generally not gelled w/ ashtanga but this teacher was fantastic. great verbal cues, amazing adjustments. she squeezed me into binds in many poses that i never wanted to leave. its funny when a teacher works you into a pose and you have this amazing, fleeting moment of clarity and ease and AHHHH! i got it! followed almost immediately by the realization that its time to release it and give it up, which i generally do with a mental pout that i dont want to move and an internal sigh of resignation that its time for the next pose.

there's a lesson in there somewhere...

just when you think you've got it...

but what kept coming up was this strong internal sense of ick. they call downward moving energy in the body apana. i have so much apana, i might as well have concrete blocks on my feet. poses that were freeing and easy a few weeks ago are nearly impossible. i feel thick. gross. out of practice. lazy. ugh! after class i resoundingly hear the word 'graceful' to describe my practice but i outright reject the notion. so i watch it and i resolve to get back on the mat tomorrow and again and again.

through me, pretty please.
c.