whine belt

i bought a small print of the above Dali work tonite (Lincoln in Dali Vision or Gala Contemplating the Mediterranean Sea). step away. look close. not always as it appears. i like it. this ends our artistic interlude for the evening...

ive said before, we always give others the advice we need to hear ourselves. i hear it once it's left my mouth and my brain reflects and says ah-ha...

M. just had a baby, and was expressing his desire to do good by this child, while biding time between being fearful and marveling that it had gone ok thus far.

my comment was "you have to think you're doing a bad job of it, to continue to give it the best you've got, every day. if you thought you were doing great, you'd risk it by resting on your laurels. the doubt is protection in a way & keeps you in the game."

of course, this version is much longer than what i said to him now that it's had time to soak. ;)

this job is my baby. (note: i do not like this sentiment as i lack a real baby. "you made this decision, c. you chose your career." did i? how much did it choose me?) i feel every day like i stink at it. my emotional state is like the weather along the Great Lakes. i walk into a meeting feeling like im slightly near the top of the heap and leave ready to cry at all ive missed or is left undone.

a concept of mine was launched at a conference today. it's good. great, probably not. but i launched it with the intention that it's a seed - and it's a hardy one - that i think i can do good things with future. never mind i demanded that this happen in a few short weeks, in the face of unrelenting disention and whining. never mind that ive never been able to have an idea and bring it to fruition like this ever before in my career! so as it's unveiled, i hear local people - attorneys - middle aged men - snickering like grade school boys that the concept is too far-fetched for a rust belt city. i didnt make it up! i just paid attention to what is already happening and branded it. i fear it's these mentalities that kick our post-industrial cities out of the race before the gun even goes off. it was weird to be sitting at their table in what i thought was home team territory. must we undermine ourselves?

being careful what i put out there,
c.