speaking my peace

i wanted her to go away. i thought about leaving. neither happened.
i didn't want to reach out to her, yet i made a conscious decision to engage. afterward, she went on her way & i forgot the encounter. she did not. reportedly, it changed her course. her thankful acknowledgment caused a ripple through my world, making others privy to what happened - & they expressed how this big fat happiness ripple, that i was being credited with starting, had affected them.
they sought my reaction, my story about what happened during this brief interaction between strangers, but i remained silent as i wrestled with the fact that i had NOT wanted to reach out, that i had desired to be selfish and remain enmeshed in my own experience, rather that widening my peace (her word) to include her in it. surely my hesitancy couldn't create something as beautiful as that which she was describing.
i needed to determine if my reservation mattered? did it dull the effect? was the positive end result marred by my initial negative thought?
and honestly, i was a bit unsure of what i was hearing: i could live in my peace and others profoundly experienced it just by coming into contact with me. that's the stuff of gandhi-ji. surely not me?
i never gave those people the details they wanted, but ive experienced that it is possible to act from a place beyond those sticky, intense emotions, as yoga disciplines us to do.
this time i was blessed with seeing the ripple that happens when i reach beyond myself, when i make the right choice regardless of the thought process that proceeds it, when i let the light shine, when i ignore the desire not to do so and do it anyways.
fun.
c.