cleanse on the town (days 5 & 6)

nothing like a beautiful spring day and an announcement that an environmental grant i wrote will bring another $200k into cleveland to brighten one's day :)

the award inspires me to give equal nod to my mini-successes, since ive done enough self flagellation for the vegan meals i have not prepared myself: i made a great organic vegetable soup w/ wheat noodles (at 11pm last night, but hey!) and ate it in the park at lunch. tomorrow starts raw. until then, im carb loading like a marathon runner. brown rice and homemade curry w/ veggies for dinner tonite... which brings me to...

THE RETURN OF SUGAR - a mini saga

the setting: 2 different thai restaurants over the weekend w/ friends
the menus: mmmm
the truth: sugar, sugar, everywhere
the ending:
dear thai food,
i love you. your creamy mixture of subtle spiciness, coconut milk, and lime is too good to pass up. but being out in public with you this weekend really left me in a bind. i felt awful after going out with you and craved more of what you gave me all night long, making it very difficult to function. i cant give you up but its just too risky for us to continue meeting in public.
see you at my place,
c.

ordering the smallest sugar containing thai entrees both saturday and sunday night led me to intense late night sugar cravings. the cravings got Poor Me* and Deprivation screaming. i managed to shut them up w/ late night salty, vegan, not-so-healthy options but it was a close call. i almost lost when the Bargainer walked in and tried to convince me that a little bit wouldn't hurt. so begins the week i eat and eat and eat. oh to be a boy! im ready for raw. bring it on.

(*little known tidbit: buried in Jung's theories lie his not-often-discussed belief that we are all schizo.)

get cozy w/ your computer. we could be here a while.
weekend thoughts:

i was kept away from my house on saturday for realtor visits (it's for sale. going to sell any minute now...!) so i went to the park. pulled off at a lake sign ive noticed numerous times and set off through the woods to find it. there is something so fun about springtime mud, oozing and warm. i wanted to put my bare feet in it and squish my toes around. im still sad that i didnt. i was surrounded by the loudest birdsong ive ever heard. it was insane. i wonder if it could have been frogs.

[we interrupt this story for today's gold star request: i've already recycled this month's Emerald Necklace so if anyone else has it hanging around, (it's not available online) i want to see if the cacophony i experienced is explained in the section on what to look & listen for this month. yay! carol came thru! it was definitely a LOT of spring peepers. it sounds crazy! through the powers of the internet, you too can experience their collective racket! thanks!]

around the backside of the lake, i found a comfy park bench in the sun and snoozed, meditated, found myself yearning for the copy of Walden on my bookshelf that i never finished... but then i asked myself why i would sit in the midst of my own nature experience and forgo it to read someone else's??? i dont even think i need to read the whole thing. i get it. on my way out of the woods, i was literally surrounded by

















chickadees! these guys are cute. they flew circles around me. their song isn't so pretty - it's a bit awkward; wiki has a link to hear it. but being closely surrounded on all sides by their song was stereophonic-ly cool. go go, gadget senses!

my sprouting education was so enthralling (im kidding. really.) sunday afternoon that i never got to the healthy grocery store, so i had to make a late night giant eagle banana run for my breakfast smoothie. why are there so many colors on the packaging!!! they make it look way more fun than sprouting!!! it's like a circus! i dont want a circus in my bowl. i just want nourishment from healthy ingredients. i must have read 20 loaves of bread and they all had sugar. granola? sugar. crackers? sugar. ugh! is this why america is so giant and has so many health problems? i let myself get so angry and i used that fuel to abscond safely with a bunch of organic bananas i found stashed on a bottom shelf, 3" off the floor in the produce section. Outrage battled Poor Me, Deprivation, and Idealistic Sadness but emerged the clear winner.

other random cleanse notations:
- ive noticed during the past few years (since becoming a vegetarian and starting to mainline sugar?) that i carry tension in my upper back, neck, and shoulders, which are always tense and achy. i feel that draining away. thank god. other tightness and stiffness is also lessening.
- last week, my mood swings (before the Great Thai Sugar Experience) were noticeably more even keel than normal. much less dramatic or negative reactions to things.

last night, clyde talked about how our strong reactions occur as a result of one of our 5 Basic Needs (Love/Belonging, Fun, Freedom, Security, Power) not being met, and that by journaling we can begin to see which are most important to us, how we react when they aren't fulfilled, and learn healthy ways to take care of them. all 5 easily cleared the gate and are currently neck and neck rounding the first turn. stay tuned.

knawing a fork as i type this,
c.