virtues & vices - day 3

if you see me today, cross the street.

i want to cop out and blame the anger on my liver (anger said to happen during liver detoxification) but that's lame.

i also feel very egotistical & narcissistic blogging about my cleanse experience.

ive been contemplating one of allen ginsberg's stories (i know i've told at least one you this story... my apologies for the repeat)

to paraphrase:
allen ginsberg was a devout buddhist; Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche was his teacher. as he was preparing for a meditation retreat, his teacher observed him readying his pencils and paper and inquired. allen commented that he was excited to clear his mind while meditating and record the beautiful thoughts that emerged in the silence.
his teacher instructed him not take any pencils or papers but to 'just sit,' saying that the thoughts allen had in meditation were no better or worse than thoughts he had any other time, but it was his ego trying to capture, mold, analyze the experience. if he was focusing on & entertaining his thoughts, he was missing the whole point.

so maybe i should just allow the cleanse experience to happen instead of recording it? my anger today is no different than my anger any other day.

i was also interested to learn that some buddhist monks are not allowed to take notes when they listen to their teachers, believing that they then get all caught up in the note-taking (handwriting, spelling, grammar, doodling, etc.) and miss the point. instead the theory is that they will absorb exactly what they need on that given day, and maybe get something entirely different from the same lecture on a different day. neat.

Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche also instructed allen to "take a friendly attitude toward your thoughts" which is what im attempting to do here... so i will attempt to mindfully continue and hope that it helps encourage someone to do something new and different towards challenging themselves and risking change!

to task:
saw faith at class last night. she was sparkly. the rest of the group is a week ahead of me and started on raw foods yesterday. i learned that raw extends well beyond vegetables, and include soaking dry lentils & beans. i always make mush out of cooking lentils anyways, so im excited to try soaking them... 2 cleanse thoughts: 1. i never would have tried *any* of these ways of eating w/o the commitment to the overall. i've always wondered what it would be like to eat vegan or raw... if i would feel different energetically and be able to sustain the diet, so it's a fun opportunity. 2. you're not in it alone. the group energy is very cool & sustains one through the lazy moments of wanting to grab whatever is on hand. much exchange of ideas, foods, motivations, experiences, etc.

overall, on day 3, i feel normal. hmmm... i sense the supplements are what is really nourishing my body right now, preventing me from experiencing harsh bad-diet-withdrawal side effects. having that need and desire for instant gratification, i need to recall that this too is a process. as mom says, patience child.

now,
c.