a$$ kicking

just got off the phone w/ one of my yoga lovelies from cleveland. was telling her how i found a teacher in buffalo who's trained in the same tradition we are. i took her amazing class tonite and it was like a reunion - with a total stranger. we were instantly in love. very cool experience - speaks to that it's always out there and not simply in one specific location.

mentioned that this teacher too - as has every one i've encountered in buffalo - asked me after class when im going to start teaching. i started making excuses about how i'm waiting, biding time until snow... but i really miss it and i worry i will be rusteeee when i start back up. i miss the connections, the creativity, the breakthroughs and realizations, the effort, the sweat, the joy & tears, the conduit, and that it keeps my own practice on track. i admitted that i'd received offers from each of 3 studios i've practiced at thus far...

my friend YELLED down the phone, asking me what i was waiting for, what else did i need...

"the universe is kicking your ass."

"all you have to decide is which studio you want to teach at."

oh.

and so i will teach. one weeknight class per week. im ready. im open. make this happen.

leela of the day: (for you new readers - leela is divine play. the moments - that happen most frequently in my life - where you recognize connection & the hair on the back of your neck stands up...) this is a bit more personal than i usually delve, but i want to make the point. just before i left cleveland, i learned i had received a raise. i had already negotiated the new position, & so i ended up feeling like i had left a bit on the table... but there was no turning back. running through my head was the taunt "i thought you didn't do it for the money..." so i ceased looking over my shoulder and got on with it. this morning, im handed a letter (at my new job) announcing im receiving a raise - for the same amount. yes, my mouth still gapes.

spent a few minutes today witnessing how my ego holds me back. fear of failure, doing or saying the wrong thing, looking silly or inexperienced... repeatedly finding out after the fact that i should have asked that question - that no one knows the answer to - or that the course of action i intuited was par for the course. repeatedly paralyzed by indecision, fear, self doubt. eh, no longer. i may stumble... but enough is enough. we do know.

let's live it large, shall we?

ever thankful for the abundance,
c.